I am a doctor, a carpenter, an economist, a news reporter, a
computer scientist; just say what you want, I am. Things have got so casual in our
job market that little regard is given to professionalism. No one today in this
Eastern part of Africa gives a damn about what you did in college or university
if there is any difference between the two. You became what is needed in the
market by word of mouth than by attending any specific classes.
If the market
readily thirsts for doctors, you know what is needed of you, a very clean white
coat, a fake bald for men, some specks, and of course the confidence to
mercilessly administer water in the name of a malaria vaccine. One attribute
though must be possessed by all adherents of the fake it till you make it
principle. This golden rule is to always have an excuse to give for whatever
mistake you may make in the line of duty. You don’t let the victims or the
public doubt your competence.
By this rule, people have been able to switch careers at
will. Hoteliers have made very good security agents, economists have treated Ebola,
carpenters have generated electricity, and computer scientists have been in the
forefront of animal husbandry. I am an adherent of this principle too, so don’t
expect me to give anything negative about it. Besides, the end must always justify
the means. Provided whatever I am doing puts food on my table, why should I care?
This order of things had worked very right for our country till when at some
point those people from different professions who had faked to be security
agents suddenly for some reasons tried to fake it for a second time to be news reporters.
You see, since the beginning of the year, deaths had been occurring
due to negligence of the security system in our country. Since I and fellow
countrymen fakers must stick to this principle of excuses, we faithfully tolerated
with our security officers who gave this and that excuse for the attacks. You know,
they pointed fingers at some internal conflicts within, tribalism, politics,
and the list of excuses went on. We knew our dead brothers would in a way
forgive us for forgiving the irresponsibility that had caused their deaths. Furthermore,
they had been part and parcel of us and they too understood the principle of
faking it till you make it. One must have an excuse.
We waited patiently for the attacks to stop, for deaths to
stop. Somehow, we had faith that our fellow men of reason would in a way curb
the crime. We prayed earnestly that our rule would prevail this trying time and
maybe thereafter we would make it a national slogan. And our motto as a country
would be “fake it till you make it.” However, in a sudden turn of things, top
agents of security tried in a last resort to replace the principle of giving
excuses with that of faking it for the second time. They tried to be news
reporters. Instead of giving reasons and excuses, they only would appear on T.V
reporting things they are supposed to undertake. Like a child who blames the
older brother for their own mistakes to the parent, they have come up with such
a reporting strategy. And they would tell us, so and so is against us, so and so
wants this country to go to war, this party wants to destabilize the country.
I with fellow fakers roared in anger to denounce this ungodly
act. How dare someone fake it for the second time when my first fake has not
even succeeded? We told them to the eye, what you are giving as our problem is
your problem to handle. A fake neurosurgeon asked them in agony, if I forget a
scissors in my patient’s tummy, do I make that your problem? I take it upon me
to remove the scissors silently before the patient losses life. Therefore, you,
if you know who is behind these killings, be it the opposition or the
proverbial seven demons, deal with it and stop them. Don’t just report to us,
otherwise you are faking it for the second time. We are sure for one, we can
never go into war, besides, despite our expertise we cannot fake war. We will
stay at peace with fellow fakers because our endeavors can only succeed in a
peaceful environment. Only you stop nagging us by trying to fake it for the
second time.
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